A Slice for You?

It's my birthday.  Hooray!  And I'm serving up some goodies, like last year.  Care for a slice? 

The price?  Tell me your most embarrassing story.  Moo-ha-ha (evil laugh, twiddling fingers). Of course, I can never think of one of my own.  Never.  Either my life's been dull, I'm not easily embarrassed, or I'm in complete denial.  Isaac, on the other hand, just shouted from the other room that his whole life has been one embarrassing story. 

After an hour of straining for an embarrassing memory, my best offering is a story Isaac insists I should find embarrassing:

My husband is a huge fan of The Lord of the Rings series.  He claims to have read the series at least 20 times ("about once a year since I was twelve.")  So, when one of the movies came out (not sure which), I rummaged through my fabrics and old costume bits, and ran out to various thrift stores to put together makeshift costumes for us to wear (an act of love & support -- complete, unabashed geekiness).  I even got my sister & brother and their spouses on board.  Isaac was a leather-clad man of Gondor and I was an elf, of course.  My dress was some bulky, crazy dragonfly- inspired costume I designed in college.  I needed equally awesome hair, so I hopped from beauty store to beauty store in search of long locks to add to my own.  In one of those store, I discovered these things called "hair rats,"  which are like long logs of rolled-up hair.  They're used for adding volume to buns and beehives, I guess.  I'd never heard of such a thing.  Hold that thought. 

So, the movie geek fest was a complete disappointment on my end,  I couldn't find a parking spot in time and ended up running to the theater, then hunting out my family in the dark as the opening credits rolled.  No one ever saw my amazing braided elf hair, glued on ears, and repurposed-junk-jewelry headdress.  Ah well.  I do think Isaac, who arrived in a separate car, had plenty of fun scaring small children in his grungy leather garb and scraggily blond wig (with real yak hair glued to his chin -- now that's commitment!)  And that was the point, after all, for Isaac to have a blast.

Ok, back to the story.  So, some time later, in examining my hair brush and its need of a de-hairing, I had a thought, "Hmmm. How do those hair rat things work anyhow?"  I pulled the hair from my brush, rolled it up, and started playing.  Not that embarrassing really, but strange enough to keep it to myself, I guess.  I never did find the perfect use for my homemade hair rat, I have a lot of hair already, but I did leave the thing in my bathroom drawer. 

Weeks later, along came Isaac, minding his own business, looking for some sort of something, and discovered that abandoned hair wad for which he demanded (with a mighty smirk) an explanation.  He has a major disgust for lost hair (which makes the yak-hair beard even more remarkable). I explained myself, the history, the fascination, the miraculous height of 60s hair and so on.  Oh, he laughed.  And.  he.  laughed.  By the time he got a grip, I was feeling a bit embarrassed.  Isaac still can't get over it and brings it up to embarrass me whenever possible.

Ya, I know, I haven't set the standard very high.  I guess I could make a birthday wish for something terribly embarrassing to happen this year so I'll never have a blank look again when asked for my most embarrassing story.   Or maybe posting that atrociously posey photo of us in costume can be my new story (I was trying to be all "my hero!" campy, but that doesn't really come across).  And, yes, I'm feeling a slight tinge of embarrassment now.

So anyhow, in consideration of all poor, generally unembarrassed souls like myself, I'll give one stack of fat quarters at random, even if your story's not very good ;)  But the other stack, the other stack goes to the most hysterically- horrible embarrassing story ever told. 

So, bring it on!  I'm ready for a good laugh... or cry.

Oh, and here's a token photo of Isaac & I as old folks (that's some sort of plate behind Isaac's head).  I found this treasure while hunting for the elf photo.  We were gussied up for a friend's 30th birthday party.  Laura calls this proof that I don't embarrass easily.

Comments

[Kim]

Well... my most embarrasing moment was about 15 years ago. It was shortly after I graduated high school. My (now) husband and I were fooling around by a (what we thought) was an abandoned warehouse in my truck. We had *ahem* just finished and was just about to get ready to go and another vehicle drove up, then drove out of the parking area. We put our clothes back on and started to leave. I was driving and was scared to put the lights on. Big mistake. I drove strait into a ditch. Not a few minutes later cops drove up. My hair was very short, so the cops thought it was two guys in the truck. My DH got out of the truck to talk to the cops, but I still couldn't turn around. Evidently, there had been a rash of burgleries in that building and the owners were driving by to check on the place and saw the truck and thought they were being robbed. Nope, just two stupid teens that ended up stuck in a ditch. We ended up having to call a tow truck and pay a bunch to get the truck out of the ditch. The cops ended up laughing and let us go. There... my most embarrasing moment out for the world to see.

[Kim]

By the way, Happy Birthday.

[Jessica]

Happy birthday.
I've got one for you. I was hanging out in our pool when I was a teenager. A boy whom I had loved--madly--since my youngest days was there too. I had just seen The Graduate and thought the transition shot of Ben descending onto his pool float then landing on Mrs. Robinson was great (I still do). I was talking about it with guy-I-wanted-to-impress and hoisted myself up on the pool float, like Ben in the movie. Except I snagged the front of my swimsuit on the edge of the float completely baring my chest to him. He and I are still friends and he still talks about "the time I saw your breats."

[Barbara]

Most embarrassing moment I can think of off hand is:
My husband and I were at a lawyers office and waiting so we were seated. When he finally came to greet us and call us into his office I went to stand and instead of standing fully upright I fell flat at his feet >.< Yep that's right face in shoe! My face was red the whole entire meeting! Thank goodness it we were the only ones in the waiting room. ::cheese::

[caroline]

Happy Birthday Heather. As for embarassing stories I have an 8 year old boy - nuff said?

Have a fabulous day.

[jan]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! love the photo and that pic of you two as old fogies is fabulous! :) & happy birthday!

ok, here's my story:
(i cannot BELIEVE what i am doing for a chance at some fabric! LOL)

in high school, i had a bit of the gassies in algebra class. it was an extreme situation and then, all of a sudden, i had to sneeze. when the sneezed escaped from my face, the treacherous gassies also made a quick (and quite loud!) exit. i was mortified!
not only did my classmates get an earful, but apparently so did some wayward hall wanderers. one happened to be my crush. i didn't know this until after class, while at my locker, the crush (whose locker was next to mine swoon!) said "hey, did you hear that fart in mrs. b's class? man, it was so loud i heard it out here in the hall."

me: "um....nooo... ????????????"
inside my head: "EEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!"

so, not only did my classmates start using the clever word "snart" quite frequently, they also engaged in lovely imitation "snarts" for my benefit, lest i forget.

let's fast forward a few weeks, shall we?

after the frenzy had died down, one day i opened our school's newspaper and as i was reading through it, i came across a "most embarrassing moment" section. well, can you guess which story was the most sought after? mine, of course! complete with my name!

i could never look my crush in the face again and the elusive snart followed me for the next 2 years.

and i still laugh my ass off every time i think about it. and i secretly love to tell this story....it always receives fits of giggles and who doesn't love that? :)

[Nubiancraftster]

Not now if it is the MOST embarrassing but it was funny when I was reading a book and thought this clear door was open. I walked smack dab into the door and launched myself back onto my butt. The running part was that no one saw me but I jumped up feeling guilty and looking around for witnesses. My reaction was so funny that I had to tell everyone that day. It was embarrassing and yet so funny.

[cara]

(Arg! Of course my power blinked out right before I posted my comment! Here I go with a re-write…)

Happy Birthday, Heather!

I’m sure I have other embarrassing stories, but this is the only one I can ever come up with when asked, though I never actually tell it. So, here you go:

When I was in 7th grade I rode the city bus home from school along with a group of other kids who were always the troublemakers. On this particular day I ended up being last on to the bus and had to stand in front of the bench going across the back, where of course these “bad” kids were sitting.

About halfway through the ride home, one of the kids decided to flip my skirt up. That would have been embarrassing enough, for them to see my underwear and what I thought were disgustingly huge thighs and a fat butt (I was totally normal sized). But, this happened to be the day when, in my inexperience in such matters, I was caught unprepared for a certain monthly visit and ended up making do with a wad of folded-up toilet paper.

So, these 4-5 kids got an eyeful of my undies with toilet paper sticking out the sides. None of them even laughed – I think they were surprised. One kid did say “maybe you should consider spandex next time” – I guess suggesting that I shouldn’t be wearing a skirt without something besides just my underwear underneath. Haha. Pretty mortifying at the time – but kind of funny now. Still, I’ve only told that story to like, 2 people ever, until now. :)

[Lisa K.]

Oh, I have a good one.

I worked in a jewelry store in college. To step behind the display cases, we entered through a waist-high swinging door. The spring on the door broke and the door would SLAM! each time anyone would enter or exit the sales area. Annoying.

One day I was passing through the door, and I reached behind me to catch the door to prevent it from slamming. Um, I didn't catch the door. Nor did I "catch" any of my female co-workers or even the male jeweler (whom I was dating). Nope. I was cradling IN. MY. HAND. the - ahem - "jewels" of my 70-something year old boss, the kindly old man who owned the jewelry store.

He was stunned. I was mortified. We scurried apart, and we never mentioned it, ever.

Sorry, Mr. Fontenot!

I have another one: I lived at home while attending college, and had to get ready for work. My mom decided to get pizza for my younger brother and sister and their friends, the next-door neighbors. She called for all the kiddies to pile into the van to get pizza, and off they went.

I got ready to shower, but, darn it, we were out of shampoo. Since I was alone in the house, I decided to make a run for the other bathroom to retrieve another bottle.

I streaked down the hall, then turned to run back - and stopped short. The youngest neighbor kid had apparently not heard my mom calling for the kids, so he was wandering around the house looking for everyone. Well, he found me, naked as a jay bird, clutching a bottle of shampoo. And since he was 9 at the time, he was facing STRAIGHT into my chest. He screamed, I screamed, and I heard his running footsteps retreating down the hall, and the door slamming.

I quickly called his mom and explained what had happened. She said he'd run into his room and locked the door. I don't know what discussions they eventually had about the incident.

As an epilogue, I did my student teaching in my old elementary school, and guess who was one of my students? Yes, the very same neighbor kid, only he was now 13. I couldn't ever tell if he was just smiling in class, or smirking...

[Lisa K.]

I forgot to say: Happy Birthday!

[nicole]

Happy BB! Well this is one I posted here http://craftapalooza.typepad.com/crafted/2007/05/creativity.html very embarrassing story about finding chewing gum in my bum...

[Christine]

Happy birthday, love the photos!
I'm struggling to think of something although I'm sure there must have been plenty of embarrassing moments such as getting so drunk at my own NYE party that I was in bed asleep by 11pm and totally missed midnight. My friends didn't let me forget that for several months. Or going to the funeral of my boyfriends granddad and putting my arm around my boyfriends waist and maybe moving my hand a little lower to discover it was actually a friend of the family when he turned around to look at me. That was in front of the whole family just before leaving for the church. Haven't lived that one down yet. OK so maybe I have got several embarrassing moments to tell!

[mira]

oh man, not sure I can beat the snart story. My husband walked in on me when I was putting a tampon in, that was pretty embarrassing...
I watched three movies in a row with my Hubby once, and in the middle of each one asked H who the main character was, commenting that "he looks really familiar, like I should recognize him." Same actor in all three instances: Tom Cruise...
Once when I was 13 I had a brand new tie-back bikini (my first ever) and wanted to see if I could stand up like they do in the movies (you know, where you flip your hair over your head and give a blank stare that's supposed to be sexy as you walk up onto shore). Well, I managed the head flip just fine, but as I was working the "stare," I happened to glance down and notice that my bikini top had come undone and my little "show" deserved a whole new rating. eek!

[Camille Roskelley]

Gosh, I can't believe I am telling the world this....Well, when my husband and I were first dating, we were driving around and I wasn't really sure which way we were going. There was a lot of traffic, and I was flustered, not knowing which way to turn. So what did I do? I hit the button that makes your blinkers blink on either side, which I believed to be the right and left signal for people who weren't sure which way they were turning. Turns out it was the emergency blinkers, as my now husband likes to remind me each and every time we ride in the car. Oh, and then there was the time that I asked him how in the world they got a real rhinoceros in the movie because dinosaurs are extinct.... I swear, I am NOT a dumb person, I just seem to be unable to put a sock in in when I REALLY REALLY should just stop and think for a minute or two! Happy B-day!

[Kristin Baxter]

I'm going brain dead trying to think of my most recent embarrassing moments (maybe I'm just blocking them out!). Anyway, I remember having a huge crush on this guy when I was 13 years old. We were talking and I opened my mouth to say something and out came drool. Oh, the horror! lol Not so embarrassing now but I really just wanted to crawl in a hole at the time. I was hoping he didn't see but he did...and he just laughed. lol

[india]

Y'know those embarrassing moments when you congratulate a friend on her pregnancy...and she's 'just' gained a few pounds? Well, my violin tutor was at my house, and due to various things that had happened, I decided she must be pregnant. Nothing had been said by her to make me think this. There she was, tuning her vioin, when I see the unmistakeable 'bump.' It would have been bad enough if I had had merely said something, but that clearly wasn't embarrassing enough. I reached out and PATTED her tummy - we both lept back in horror. WHat made it worse was that I was SO appalled by my inappropriate touching (you know that way, when you're pregnant all sorts of folk think they have the right to touch....?) that instead of saying why I had done it, I metaphorically got a big digger out, and made that hole a whole load bigger - muttering on about diets, me beeding to be on one - I'm cringing as i type this. We somehow made it through my lesson. I was convinced she thought I had decided to declare some undying passion for her (goodness know what my husband would have thought!) and wondering if she would get out without further 'incedent.'
In the end I decided I had to tell her the truth - I reckoned that the (now) relatively small embarrassment at telling the truth about the 'pregnancy' and appologising for my inappropriate 'congratulatory pat' was far less than the bright-red glow of mortification I felt everytime I replayed the scene in my mind.....
India

[Beate Knappe]

I love the Idea, but my English skilli's do not make it happende - maybe this is embarrassing?.

[Ina]

Happy Birthday Heather! :)

You clean up nice :-D (From a former supportive elve with the pointy ears, red braids and "evening star" necklace *chuckle* I feel your pain)

Alle Gute zum Geburtstag,

Ina

[Lindy]

You know, after reading some of these embarrassing stories, I can't quite compete, so I'll just try for the random stack. Here's hoping!

[Kristin La Flamme]

The embarassing moment (of many) that haunts me to this day is when I was on a job interview years ago (looking for a job as a graphic designer). The interviewer held out my resume and asked why I had broken up a line of text the way I had. Thinking that he was refering to the ragged right-hand edge of the text block, I said that I thought it looked better that way (you don't want a long line of text followed by a short one, or vice verse -- they should all end at a similar length). It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had split a word right in two with no regard as to whether it was a word that could, or should, be split (no hyphen either). Needless to say, I didn't get the job and I ALWAYS have someone else proof my resume before I send it out!

[christie]

Happy birthday! Great stories I don't know that mine will be that good. I just got a old singer so heres hoping:)

Well when I was about 10 my mom and I lived in a apartment complex that had a swimming pool and our apartment was right by it. Well it was out in cali. and it was a hot summer. I was running around the house in my under wear (only) to cool off. I had been bugging my mom to let me go out and play. I was grounded for something any way, I finally got her to let me go out to play. After hours of bugging her and I was so excited that I walked out side and got all the way down the balcony and half way down the stairs before I heard the noise of ALL my friends in the neighborhood laughing at me. I think that was the fastest I have ever ran. hehe

[Helene]

Lots of great stories here, thanks for the laughs. I never do anything embarrasing ;-)(or I forget it very easilly...)

Just wantet to tell you Happy Birthday anyway.

[Sarah]

Happy Birthday Heather! One of my most cringing moments was when I had to give a public presentation about a project I was working on. It was something I always got incredibly nervous about beforehand. On this particular occasion I was so nervous at the number of people who had turned up (about 80 rather than the usual 10 or 20) I started to give the 'talk' and after just a minute in I completely froze and nothing came out my mouth. I turned so red in the face and could hear my heart pounding. After 1-2 minutes which seemed like an eternity I eventually blurted something out but I could see how embarrassed everyone was for me. Horrible to even think about now!

Another embarrassing episode involved taking part in a video conference. Everyone at the other end of the video link was seated and ready to start but I arrived a minute late. I rushed into the room to get settled in and promptly tripped over a chair leg and fell very dramatically on the floor with skirt over my head revealing my laddered pantyhose to my boss. To make things worse the people on the other end of the video link were laughing their heads off because they saw the whole thing on the video screen!

[Megan]

I'm with Isaac, my life is just one long series of embarassments. To choose, to choose...

I'm 14, and really unsure of myself. I'm at a party with mostly older teens and young adults, wearing my most pretty dress and trying not to be too uncool. I'm sitting between a table and a wall, feeling an increasing need to go to the bathroom. I try and move past everyone sitting around me without tripping, or standing on their toes, or any other clumsy thing I am prone to. Make it to the bathroom without incident, much to my (literal and metaphorical) relief. Saunter back to my place behind the table, inserting a little (almost certainly not) sexy hip action into my walk. Again, no serious disasters. Phewph. Hear someone whispering loudly nearby "do you think she knows?"

Knows? Knows what? They must be talking about me. If anyone doesn't know something that should know something, it'll be me. It is me. On exiting the bathroom, I left the back of my pretty dress tucked into the back of my pantyhose, giving the entire room a front row seat of my voluminous backside. Particularly the people I had to push my butt past at face level in order to get back to my seat.

I have more, so many more, and so much worse, but it is probably best they remain untold. For everybody's sake.

[Nath]

I was about 19 and was kind of fond of a guy I had seen a couple of times around on student parties. On the Valentines student party I finally pulled myself together and went up to talk to him and confessed I kind of digged him. 'Too bad' he said 'you're not my type' I looked kind of overwhelmed then he added: 'I'm more into boys'I could have sunken into the ground at once ; )

[Pikku-Kettu]

First I'd like to say Happy Birthday and that I love your blog! I'm coming out of the woodwork to share my bit of embarrasment.

One instance of deep embarassment for me was not due to anything that I really did but how other people perceived me. First up, I'll have to tell you that I'm very petite. I am not only short but really delicately built as well and people often mistake me for 5-10 years younger than I really am.

When I first moved out from my home at the age of 19 I borrowed my dad's van (a really big car) to transport all my wordly possession to my new home town. I was feeling very grown up and as I was driving along I came to a turning where according to our Finnish traffic laws I was required to stop and let pedestrians cross first.

So I stopped the car and waited patiently for the middle-aged man who was waiting for his turn to cross to notice that I was giving way to him. First he gave me a casual glance and almost took a step forward until he did a double-take and started staring at me. He proceeded to point a finger at me and began to laugh out loud holding his stomach and refusing to cross the street. I was so stunned I couldn't even react and just stayed there in the car wondering what the hell was wrong with this guy.

Eventually a few other pedestrians came along and the middle-aged man kept pointing at me and howling with laughter. And the other people joined along in the chuckling and also did not cross the street. At this point I was getting so embarassed that I just decided to flee the scene.

I understand that seeing a very small girl driving a big van (I really had to reach out with my hands to grap the wheel) was hilarious to these people but I've never felt so embarassed in my life.

[June]

My embarassing (as well as extremely humiliating) story is that I got stuck sideways in a bathtub when immensely pregnant. We were living in a temporary military apartment in West Berlin in one of those old pre-war buildings that had telephone booth-sized bathrooms (this was during occupied Berlin whilst the wall was still up in 1977). Anyway, we had this really deep and super narrow bathtub. I was trying to turn around to reach for the soap and got wedged in with my legs and big ol' baby belly. I couldn't get any leverage to turn myself, my legs went numb, and it was all just plain scary. I was home alone so I just kept yelling until someone heard me. Someone finally called the Military Police who had to break in the door to get in the apartment. There I was naked and stuck in the tub. I'm absolutely positive those young men saw way more than they wanted to of a very pregnant woman. It was horrible and I've been frightened of tight places ever since. I take showers now.

[June]

P.S. I'm sorry--I meant to also say a very happy birthday to you!

[penny]

happy birthday.......to you.
happy birthday.......to you.
happy birthday.......miss heather,
happy birthday.......to yyyyoooooooouuuuuuuuuu!While at a Bill Martin (author) teaching workshop, we were on our potty break. most teachers are women so the women's restroom needless to say fills rather quickly at these times. Now, I am 7 months preggo and not one who cares for public restyrooms to begin with. We were in a high school bathroom, I had just waited for 3 others in front of me to finish with 6-8 others waiting behind me. I luckily get the handicap stall and proceed to begin to 'take action'. As i was hovering over the seat, trying to support the added 20-25 lbs of baby weight, my eyes were natrually focused toward the stool. after what seemed mere seconds, as my legs were giving way and beginning to shake,my eyes gradually focus forward to the stall door........as another lady in line was reaching forward to close it back up. how much did they see???????? how long had it been open????????? i was just trying to take care of business so i didn't wet my pants during the next lecture. how long was it that i waited in the stall trying to wait until every soul that had just witnessed my humiliation had either entered their own stall or had finished???????? it seemed forever. i giggled my way back to my seat and shared with my friend who had travelled with me. we laughed for years about that one.

[kima]

Happy Birthday! Hope it was filled with love and laughter.

My most embarrassing moment (that I am willing to share) happened about 8 years ago. I had just met the man who is now my husband. He is a personal trainer by day and a musician by night. We met at a party and there was instant chemistry. We sat in a corner and talked most of the night. He asked for my number and invited me to come see him play that upcoming weekend in a Jazz in the Park concert. I explained that I would be babysitting my niece that weekend, and probably would not make it. He told me it was a family affair and lots of people brought kids.

Of course I could not resist the opportunity to see him again. So, that Saturday morning, I dressed my little 2 1/2 year old niece and packed a picnic. We got there early and found a spot right up front. My niece seemed to enjoy the first few bands. They all had vocalist and played upbeat songs. She danced around clapping her hands and having a grand old time. The people sitting close to us thought she was so cute. I look up and its time for my crush to come on. He was doing a solo, acoustic guitar set. His first song was a romantic ballad and I swear he was looking at me the whole time....SWOON!

Apparently my niece was not impressed though. Right in the middle of the song, in an incredibly loud 2 1/2 year old way she decided to let out her inner music critic. "This songs suck"! Those were her exact words. It was perfectly timed too, during a quiet part of the song. I could tell he had heard her. In fact after the song he said "you can't please everyone, I guess".

Needless to say I was mortified and tried to quickly pack my things up and get out of there. I figured I would never hear from him again.

But three weeks later he called and asked me out. He brought along a CD of kids songs he had recorded for my niece. I thought it was so sweet and so courageous after she had given such a poor review for his live performance. I decided then and there to keep him!

[Suzi]

Happy Birthday!
What a wonderful way to celebrate!!

I had a couple of embarrasing moments on the same holiday - we went to a holiday village age 17 - one of these places with water park. My first was coming down the shute and my swimming costume ripped on the seat - so good friends walked behind me to the nearest pool, until as towel was fetched. Then - unfortunately i had a spare costume and ventured out for the rapids slide - I got to the bottom and realised the halter neck had come undone... mortified twice in a many days!!

[Jennifer K in PA]

I have a few, but this is my most embarrassing one...when I was 10, my mom brought my siblings and i, along with some friends and another mother, to a water park. my friend was a bit smaller than i was but at the time, i don't think that really sunk in for me. anyway, we were out and about exploring the park on our own, but within my mom's sight. my friend got the bright idea to sit in a baby swing--you know the ones with the leg holes cut out for small kids who can sit but aren't yet ready for a swing without legs. i wanted to do what she did, and so i got on the baby swing next to her and we did some swinging. then, she got out of her swing. and i was stuck. my legs would not budge from the baby swing. my friend got the other mom, who got a lifeguard. they wiggled, twisted, and turned but the swing did not budge. they even tried to lube me up with sunscreen and even that didn't work. meanwhile, the other mom got my mom. at this point, i'm horrified and mortified at my own stupidity and could use some support. my mom comes over, asks me if i'm ok--i lie and say yes, and she proceeds to laugh like crazy and then start taking pictures!! in the meantime, the fire department had to be called and they ended up SAWING ME OUT of the baby swing. horrifying, completely horrifying. people were talking about it all day ("did you hear about the girl that got stuck in the baby swing? they had to saw her out. what was she thinking???"). oh yeah. and my mom has pictures to prove it and even gets them out, 21 years later, to have a laugh about it.

[lucykate crafts]

i have lots of embarrassing stories to tell, i got wedged in a chair at work (i had my legs curled up under me during a design meeting, and my foot slipped through the arm rest), and had to be rescued, the other girls in the design studio thought it was hilarious and wanted to just wheel the chair into the corridor and leave me there, thanks guys!.

the worst would have to be, after having my daughter, (she's now 5), i went back to work when she was 6 months old. she was not a good sleeper and i was very tired but a couple of days before i was due back, my husband sent me off shopping for some new work clothes. i tried some stuff on in the changing room cubicle, decided what i wanted to buy, so strolled out back into the shop. only to realise, that i had actually forgotton to put my skirt back on, so was now stood with an arm full of clothes, in the waiting area (which was full of husbands/partners/boyfriends of all the other people trying stuff on), in just my knickers. so embarrassing, as they were pretty awful knickers too, you know when after child birth, you go for comfort over style, those kind of knickers!.

happy birthday!

[craftybernie]

Feliz Cumpleanos, Heather!!

My most embarrasing moment has got to be my most shameful moment. It happened 5 years ago. It's really, REALLY bad.

My most embarrasing moment was....... when my hubby found out about my drunken fumble with the painter!

Oh the shame! I'm not proud of it, it was a long time ago, I was very very drunk and even now I cringe when it comes up in conversation! Brrrrr, yeuck. My skin crawls just thinking about it.

Can I have my fat quarter now please? Lol. x

[Hanna]

thank you for having a birthday contest and making people write these stories. i've read them all, and they are so funny. I vote for kima's story because it is so cute! :-)

happy birthday Heather!

[Mary]

Happy birthday, Heather!

[corrie]

oh dear I can hardly write as I've been laughing so hard!

I can laugh about this now...no farts involved....I was going out with my now husband and he lived in paris...I'd never met anyone in his family but his sister was coming to paris for a holiday...the night before she arrived I was eating dinner and my false front tooth on the top broke clear off..I cried as I looked like a witch with no front tooth..it was a public holiday..no dentists and none I knew in paris...I had to meet her and talk to her the whole day and night with my hand over my mouth or not talking as I was so embarrassed she'd think her brother was dating a witch.....

second most embarrassing was at school...I was pretty average at school always scoring in the 70's for things...but there was a girl who was school captain, dux, got a final leaving score of 99.9....I went to see the careers advisor in my final year to talk about universities, courses, careers....school captain girl was after me....so he tells me well you can take your pick, your top of every class, what do you want to do because scores are not a problem for you.....so I blush and say are you sure? My name is corrie....oh Corrie sorry I was confusing you with Danielle...well you're a totally different story!!!!!!!!! thanks! of all the people to be confused with!

[ingrid]

I have quite a lot of embarassing stories, but this is one my girlfriends will never let me live down.

It happened years ago when I was younger, hipper, thinner and able to pull off a pair of tight jeans. You know the kind that need peeling on and peeling off and are much trickier to zip up than a bag full of kittens. I went shopping with my best girlfriend in search of the perfect pair of said tight jeans, which were the height of fashion at the time despite the fact that they are completely impractical and rather uncomfortable. Anyhoo, I was unfortunately wearing a rather small pair of underwear with elastic that had been through the drier too many times and had decided that very day to completely give up on me. But as any young shopping girl will do I battled on in pursuit of those jeans.

We were in a rather fancy little boutique where I was trying on pair after pair of jeans and tossing the discards over the change room door for the sales girl to whisk away and fold back up neatly and return to the shelves. When in a snap flash moment of horror I realised I was knickerless and whispered to my girlfriend to urgently retrieve the last batch of discarded jeans in search of my wayward elastic-less underwear.

I was hissing at her to go and find them with my head peeping around the door and she was laughing hysterically! Then to my complete mortification the salesgirl strode across the store with her arm out stretched and my poor little knickers dangling from the end of a pen.
I have never gotten dressed so quick in my life and I hot tailed it out of there with my friend following me in a giggling heap.

No wonder to this day I am still traumatised at the mere thought of shopping for jeans, but at least these days I do it in my secure girdle tight granny knickers. Or come to think of it, I would rather sew myself up a skirt.

[corrie]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ingrid]

Oh and a big happy birthday too!

[carol]

Happy birthday Heather!
Another underwear story-

middle school, running from the school to the bus........ the elasic on my underwear gives out and they are around my ankles. It was the longest year of school ever.

[Claire]

Happy Birthday Heather, how lovely of you to give away the presents!

My embarassing moment is not unique, but embarassing just the same. As I dived into the pool for the school swiming carnival, I discovered that the new bathers that my mother had made were not very well designed. The top fell down exposing my still maturing breasts to the whole school. Luckily for me (in this case anyway) I attended a girls only school.

[Bonney]

First and most important; HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

I have two stories that still make me cringe. When I was a senior in high school I snagged a date with a college man!!! He played on the university's basketball team and we went on 1 date. I think we both realized it wasn't meant to be. However, one Saturday night a friend and I went to a game and I decided to go say hello to him before the game. We had a very awkward conversation and I turned to walk away and stepped off the bleachers into the water bucket!!! I stepped out and kept walking and never looked back!

My next story occurred when my first son was 3. We were visiting relatives. It was Sunday and everyone was off to church; something we had been quite lax in. But we got dressed up in our finery and off we went. All was well until communion when the bells on the altar were rung. My son stood up on the pew and yelled "The ice cream man, the ice cream man!" I could have melted into the floor! There was much giggling but I was mortified. My aunt stopped at the store and bought ice cream bars on the way home so my son wouldn't be disappointed!

[Ginger]

Wow, you have lots of great stories already. Don't you all ever sleep?? :-)

Here is my story:

I get really sick when I am pregnant, and spend lots of time bringing back up whatever went down. By 5 months I am usually okay for longer periods of time.

While pregnant with baby #3, I decided, at about 5 months along, that it was time for me to start doing the grocery shopping again, so I took the boys with me and we started doing our shopping.

For some reason we had tons to get, and by the time I got to the produce section my cart was FULL, and we had been there for a while. I started feeling really sick, and thought I could hold off, but all of a sudden I knew I was going to be sick. I grabbed an empty produce bag and hurried my kids over to the natural foods section, which was a little darker and deserted (hey, its Indiana... people aren't that healthy!) I made it over to the section just in time, and threw up into the bag, but the force of the throw up caused me to pee my pants also! And not just a little bit. So now I am standing there with a little puddle at my feet, a lot of liquid making my light grey pants really dark (I had on a woven fabric, which got really dark when wet!), a bag of vomit, and a cart full of groceries. I really didn't know what to do, so I tried to get my oldest son, who was almost 4, to run over to the meat department and get me a paper towel. He managed that, so I cleaned up the floor as best I could. Then, since I needed the groceries, I had to go stand in line to pay. Yes, there was a bit of a wait. I had a small messanger bag as my purse, so I tried to angle that behind me, and also had my oldest son walk behind me so hopefully no one would notice. Boy #2 was stationed in the cart. We finally made it out of there, and let me tell you, it was embarrasing! I never did go back to that grocery store!

I hope your birthday is full of mirth, with all these great stories! Happy Birthday!

[Knittacia]

Happy birthday!

I have had a lot of embarrassing moments during my life. That is just part of being me. I was born clumsy and will always be clumsy. But as I have grown older I don't really get as embarrassed as I used to.

But there is one thing that can not slip my mind when it comes to embarrassing moments, and that was when I sent a wedding greeting card to a wedding that was canceled. They where someone I used to hang out with in Collage. We moved to different towns and had contact now and then by phone and e-mails. But we sort of did not keep much contact the last 6-10 months before the wedding. But I knew the wedding-date, and in the last moment sent a greeting card to the bride. A while later I had some contact by e-mail with the "broom". And then he told me that the wedding had been canceled, and that they broke up. Oh, gosh did I feel embarrassed! I was and still am glad I never had to face them. And if I do I most certainly will not bring up the subject!

[Sara]

When my husband and I were first married, we lived in a teeny one bedroom apartment. His brother, who was in college and in-between apartments for a week, was sleeping on our couch.

One lazy morning I was taking a long and refreshing shower when the phone began to ring. And ring and ring. I decided to take the two and half steps from our bathroom to the living room and answer the phone. . . with only soapy bubbles for coverage.

I said hello and started a small coversation, then I casually turned around and faced the living room. There was my brother in law, sitting straight up and staring and me! I froze. I couldn't move. And worst of all, I didn't have my contacts in, so I couldn't even see his facial expression!

I dropped the phone and ran back into the shower. By the time I came out, the brother-in-law had left for the day (without a shower).

Happy Birthday Heather!

[Anna]

Happy Birthday!!! I’ve been lurking around for a while now and just had to say something for the chance to win some lovely fabric.

A couple years ago I worked as a check in clerk at a ferry company and over the years both I and my colleagues had many humiliating experiences.

When receiving the ticket from the customer the first thing to do was to read through the ticket information. Me reading aloud: ‘That’s one car and two passengers to destination x, correct?’ Continuing: ‘Or should I say two and a half?!?’ smiling and looking at the woman’s mid-section. The couple in the car looked confused and stared back at me not saying a word. I was just going to ask when the baby was due when realizing the situation… While I was printing the tickets I made sure not to look up and then red faced wished the couple a pleasant journey.

[kirsten]

well i don't think i can top these! wow! but, when i was a junior in high school it was cool to give blood at the blood drive. well you had to weigh 110 pounds. so i was just under the limit and i lied and gave blood. well i felt fine through lunch and in 7th period i was sitting in the back of the classroom with my head propped up on the back wall try my very best NOT to pass out. this teacher of mine was a big man, very imposing and seriously intimidating. he would humiliate anyone who fell asleep in his class. so i am trying so hard to not sleep and feeling seriously light headed and getting that hot/cold tingly/sweaty feeling. next thing i know i am lying on the floor my desk flung out of the way and my teacher standing right over me. all the students have formed a circle looking down at me lying on the floor. my teacher says, "what is today's date?" (i never know the date) well i sat up and thought i felt ok until i straight up drive heaved like 10 times right there in front of my entire class and my horribly intimidating teacher. they sent me to the nurse and i went home. well the next day kids were making fun of me and acting like they were throwing up everytime they saw me. the end.

[Colleen]

Happy Birthday Heather!
I have a positive mine full of comedy gold when it comes to embarrassing stories, but this is my favourite. When I was 17 I was in a play at our local community theatre. The story was actually a play within a play about bunch of bumbling community theatre actors (so it wasn't much of a character stretch). The main character was supposed to be stricken down with laryngitis during her final song, so my character was supposed to jump into her part and finish the play. The song was performed in an Elizabethan costume and being a poor community theatre we could only afford to make one outfit. So we rigged up the dress with velcro so that it could be quickly ripped off the other actress and put on me. As I stepped towards centre stage on the night of our preview (to a packed house I might add) my "lady-in-waiting" stepped on the edge of the skirt and it ripped clean off the bodice. To make matters worse I was wearing a particularly lurid pair of flowered underpants. So there I was singing in floral underpants with the top half of an Elizaethan dress on. Luckily, the play was a farce so everyone except the actors thought it was part of the play - even the director. Afterwards the director scolded us for not telling her about our added bit of comedy genius. She even asked where we had found that "hideous" pair of underwear. I don't know who was more embarrassed, the director or me, when I told her the moment was not planned and that the underwear was actually my own.

[michelle b.]

Hmm...Here's the first one that popped into my head: My 3 girls, a friend and I were going to meet her husband at his office, then go to lunch. He works for a company that provides security systems. I had never been there before. The front of the building is all dark and secretive looking. We parked the car, everyone jumped out and went into the office. I was the last one, locking up the car, etc. since I drove. I headed to the office door and tripped over the step. Fell on my hands and knees. I popped straight up, looked around to see if anyone had seen, and spotted no one. I brushed myself off. And trying to act normal, I headed to the office door. Walked in, EVERYONE, my girls, my friends, and about 30 employees were standing there laughing. They had all seen me fall and my reaction of trying to act like it never happened. The front of the building was made of tinted one-way windows. Oh yeah...they also have security cameras recording the comings and goings of people, so lucky me, it was all recorded.

Happy Birthday Heather!