E's Cake

Elijah is suspended from school for two days.  He punched the bully.  Elijah is an intellectual, not really physical at all.  But, after two years of constant harrassment of the most foul sort, he had had it.  Funny thing is, as soon as their scuffle was over, it was Elijah who went to the office and reported it, even though he threw the first punch. He has been rather humble about the whole thing -- he just wants this bully to leave him alone.  The office staff is well aware of this other kid's behavior.  He received a longer suspension.

We'll see what comes of it.  Hopefully the other kid will think twice next time.  Turns out quiet, read-a-book-at-lunch Elijah has a threshhold.

Regardless of the circumstances, we're not cool with punching.  (Elijah adds, "Neither am I!")  We're not letting him have a vacation.  He must work, contribute, stay busy.  He has helped his grandparents plant trees and pull weeds, he has washed the dogs, done the dishes, cleaned the bathrooms, -- and to top it off, he made a cheesecake.  How about that?  Granny helped him out.

He is just delighted with himself over the result.  I spent the first hour this morning hearing all about cheesecakes and how they are made, how he swirled chocolate into the top layer, how he piped a spongecake border around the edge of the cake, but it didn't work, and so forth.

Tough waters to navigate as a parent.  Condemn the punch, condone the confession.  Condemn the wrong reaction, condone the good kid.  Punish, comfort, direct & love.

Comments

[lauradodson]

Our 15 yr old son was bullied by 2 differet boys during his jr. high years. We counseled him to ignore, stay away, etc. We informed the school many times and they did nothing. As long as the bully shed some tears, he was let off the hook.

We finally told our son he had our permission to defend himself but to also expect to suffer consequences the school would mete out but that he would not be in trouble with us. We had no clue how to handle this situation with him and the school. Thankfully the bullying stopped.

I think he felt empowered and never ended up hitting the boys.

[Pamela]

Well Done Mamma Heather! and Pappa...Parenting is very difficult, and I love the way you handled his punishment. He will have a strong work ethic as an adult as you have instilled that behavior.

I'll never forget our 6th grade class cleaning up 3 miles of ditches along the highway. It was a wonderful lesson on how "not" to treat our environment. It wasn't a punishment, but a lesson for all of us. Respect, honor..and most of all SELF-respect are wonderful lessons.

And the Cheesecake...a reward and a lesson all in one! Brilliant!

[Elizabeth]

If this baby is a boy, I want him to be just like this...even if there were punches thrown. Just a few more days until we find out!

[Laurel]

First of all, I stalk your blog all the time! It never fails to inspire me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for keeping this blog! (I want a slice of that cheesecake!)

Second, standing ovation for your son. He knows violence is wrong, but needed to send a strong message, so he did what he had to do. I had a bully for 7 years--6th grade through graduation. Hard times. I wish I'd had the courage to up and punch my bully!

[lilliemaesmomma]

Good for E! I call that "Cause and Effect". I tell my students that eventually the person you are bothering/pestering is going to have enough of you. You are the cause and will eventually receive an effect! So don't be shocked when you are "effected"!

[Sydney O'Brien]

i have to feel that elijah was right to do this to an extent. being his age, i know it gets bad at school, and it gets to that point. i as a fellow bookworm aplaud him for his courage and i know that i would never be able to confront anyone myself. last year, a new girl came to our school, and talked behind the mean girls back, and the mean girls started it that time, but the new girl didnt get suspended. even without the suspension, the day after, the new girl was treated... differently, and i hope (in a non-weird creepy way) that that didnt happen to elijah. also that cheesecake looks a-mazing!